Author: Meredith Beatty

No one ever told me that the last couple weeks before your oldest graduates could be fraught with so much fear and anxiety. It’s the culmination of an 18 year journey and so naturally this has causes me to think back and evaluate what’s happened. But in thinking this way I am prone to focus solely on my performance as a mother.

No wonder my stomach has been in knots and I’ve felt like I’ve been riding a roller coaster!

So praise God for this morning because I got to discuss the doctrine of justification!

What? How can that help? Isn’t doctrine something that’s boring and relegated to the seminary?

I give you an emphatic NO! my friends.

Everyone is prone to evaluate their own performance, especially parents, and especially mothers, and even more especially at this time of your child’s life. And I must honestly confess that more than half the time I don’t know what I’m doing here as a mother.

So I desperately needed this discussion of justification this morning because justification says this: God has declared me completely forgiven of sin, past, present and future, AND, Christ’s righteousness has been credited to my account. It belongs to me. Listen even to what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:21:

“For our sake he made him to be sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

It’s not just that I have Christ’s righteousness like a possession that I carry. In Christ I have become the righteousness of God!

So in the next two weeks I will look back on the last 18 years and want to evaluate how it’s gone and I’ll be tempted to judge myself according to the results. But because of doctrine, because I know and believe this doctrine of justification, I can be honest, I can admit that I am not perfect, I have made mistakes as a parent (duh!) and that’s OK. Why? Because I know that God has lavished His abundant grace on me in Christ. He has imputed my sin to Christ, counting it as belonging to Him. And more than that, God has imputed Christ’s righteousness to me, counting it as belonging to me.

This knowledge of doctrine changes my beliefs which in turn will, by God’s grace, change my actions. And even now, this knowledge of doctrine is starting to unravel the anxious knot in my stomach.

First of all, I cannot take credit for the title of this post. It comes from a dear friend with whom I’ve shared many gospel centered conversations. Don’t you love those kinds of friends? Pushing through the usual chit chat to get to what really matters does not take long. I am so thankful to have more than one friend that I can share with like that. Anne Shirley called them bosom friends, and those who belong to the race who knows Joseph. (L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series for the uninitiated.)

One theme of our conversations has to do with the desire for normalcy, comfort and predictability. We all want to know what’s coming next. We want to be prepared for every eventuality. That’s why we make a schedule. On Monday it will go like this ……

Uh, how many times does Monday really go like that for you?

Never.

Then you’re left with the inevitable question, “When is everything going to get back to normal?”

I have lived a little while and walked with God for some time and I’ve learned that there is no normal.

This life is messy. Relationships are hard! Being a parent rips your heart out at times. Some days I feel overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord and filled with faith and other days I’m curled up in the fetal position on the floor crying out, “Where are you God!”

If we put this idol of certainty up there on the altar then we will never be content, we will never exercise faith, we will be filled with anxiety and disappointment.

But what if we focused on our God who is the Rock? He is certain. He is a sure foundation no matter the unsure Mondays that come around. (And Tuesdays, and Wednesdays …)

He is certainly ruling and reigning over this world, in the midst of your circumstances and in your heart if you really know Him.

Some things are uncertain in this life but the most important thing, the One Thing, is most certain. And that makes everything OK.

I keep being amazed at the small things and what they teach me about the Lord. Consider this humble daisy:

Staring into the yellow center I am in awe of the Father’s creativity and intricate care. I picked this out of a field while running but didn’t notice the design until later when the blossom was wilted, lying in my car’s coin tray to be discarded.

Consider Matthew 6:28-30. Now think on our Father’s care for us who are much more valuable. O we of little faith!!

I have been gone from blogging for a long time. Not that anyone has missed me. Perhaps no one has ever read this little blog. But now that I actually own a smartphone and I’ve installed the WordPress app, maybe I’ll post on a more regular basis. Because it’s not as if I haven’t had anything to say!

My children get older and I realize how little control I have over them, especially their hearts.

John Piper just tweeted the words of Hebrews 3:4 – “…the builder of all things is God.”  Those words made a new impression on my heart just now.  I memorized them more than two years ago but today, on Mother’s Day, those words reminded me of others in the Bible.

“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” Proverbs 14:1 

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain…” Psalm 127:1

and then this,

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”  Ephesians 2:10

Focusing on how little control I have can tempt me to fear.  But God is at the foundation of everything.  Focusing on the Builder, the Creator of all brings peace, especially to this mom’s heart.

Psalm 33:10-11

“The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples.  The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart from generation to generation.”

Proverbs 16:9

“The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

Do I walk through my life foolishly thinking everything is dependent on my plans and the execution of them?  A good test for this is to examine my heart for anxiety and fear.  Those twin sins constantly keep watch to bother my soul at the most opportune time.  Anxiety and fear are indicators that I believe I have control, or that I believe I should have control.  See, I can say I believe in God’s sovereignty and His good and loving care over every area of my life.  But, the real test is whether that belief has penetrated deeply into my heart, soul and mind and transformed the way I actually live.  

I’ve been reading about Hudson Taylor lately.  He had an experience partway through his mission work that revolutionized his spiritual life.  He realized that, at the bottom of everything, Christ is All.  There is no reason to worry because if the work is His, He will provide for it and accomplish it.  Christ was his life and his work was to abide and receive the resources Christ freely provides.

New and old fears crop up from time to time.  But if God is at the bottom, really at the root of our very existence, and if His good purposes will win out in the end, what reason is there to fear or be anxious?  His work will prevail, and if it’s His work He will provide for its accomplishment.  Anxiety is a grave sin actually.  In being afraid for my child’s future, to take one example,  I am declaring myself to be a practical atheist, as if God didn’t exist, had no control, and didn’t care one whit about me. 

May I abide in Christ who is my all, and use everything He has freely given me to fight this fight of faith.   

What are we expecting for Christmas?   I’ve been disappointed to realize that I still have a sort of emptiness after Christmas Day, when the luster of the new things I’ve received has worn off.  It’s an immaturity that reminds me of childhood.  My children do what I did as a child – pile all their presents in a special place in the living room and keep a tally of how many they received.  But I still do this to some extent and it saddens me.

This Christmas season I began (amidst all the chaos of shopping and planning that must be done) to think about how people reacted to Jesus’ birth and why they were filled with such joy.  It seems I would know this already since I’ve heard the Christmas story umpteen times.  But have I really pondered why, for instance, Simeon and Anna were so full of joy when they witnessed the Messiah?  Have I thought about Zechariah and the meaning of John’s birth?

The prophets of the Old Testament and other faithful God fearers lived for hundreds of years in expectation.  Of what though?  The Messiah, of course, but what did that mean specifically for their lives?  Those descendants of Abraham realized, by faith, that all the sacrifices in the world could not make them clean.  Month after month and year after year they would offer sacrifices and keep careful account of their lives.  It was a constant cycle that never seemed to end.  And there were only a select few who ever experienced God speaking to them or the Holy Spirit descending upon them.  Wasn’t there something more?  Then between Malachi and Matthew there was silence, hundreds of years of prophetic silence.  The faithful handed down the promises to another generation and they waited.

What kept them waiting?  Why were they so expectant?

They weren’t just waiting for a new King or, like us, some Christmas present wrapped up in bows.  They were waiting for a Savior!  The One who would save His people from their sins!  Isn’t that worth waiting for?  Wouldn’t that cause someone to strain and look with the eyes of faith?

As C.S. Lewis once said, “We are far too easily pleased.”  This is why I’ve been disappointed with Christmas.  I am expecting material things to satisfy me when my soul hunger can only be satisfied with Him.

My problem or, if you will, disease, like all of humanity, is sin, and one more present cannot bring healing.  But the Savior can.  As Malachi said, “He will arise with healing in His wings.”  And He did.  He was born as one of us to save us.

This Christmas I can spend my time pondering, like Mary, what it was like for Anna and Simeon and everyone else to behold their Savior in flesh and blood, to realize that all the promises and prophecies were about to be fulfilled and freedom was about to dawn.

This will bring joy, deep joy that cannot be taken away.

This is Krista’s testimony.  She has a disability.  And this is a father’s testimony about his daughter’s disability.  What is obvious is that disability has taught them both many lessons.  Neither of them signed up for these lessons.  Most of us wouldn’t sign up either.  

These two people are brave because they’ve looked disability in the eye and brought it before God, their Creator.  There, at His feet, I’m sure they’ve asked many questions and cried many tears.  But they’ve not walked away and God has been faithful to mold them and teach them.

I recently started teaching a boy who has autism.  I had no experience with this kind of student.  I was very unsure about how it was going to go.  Honestly, I was uncomfortable.  I couldn’t use my regular approach and I agonized about it for many days after that first lesson.

Why was I so uncomfortable?  That question has rattled around in my heart seeking a resolution.  I’m still unsure of the answer.

But I have been learning lessons.   I don’t understand everything about him and his abilities and in that I have a disability, a weakness.  And it’s okay to look that straight in the eye. I don’t have to know the answers or be an expert on autism to teach this boy. In only two lessons he is teaching me how much he can do. 

Another lesson I’ve been learning is that we all have weaknesses and disabilities.  We all live with the disability called sin.  It impairs our vision and damages our relationships.  It scars our memories and wounds our souls.  It’s a deadly poison that results in death.  But thanks be to God who has saved us from disabling sin and is conforming us to His own image.  He has mercy on us in our weakness and now we can communicate that same mercy to others.

“But when the goodness and lovingkindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior.”

There are so many agricultural concepts in the Bible that can apply to life.  Letting a field go fallow means to leave it unsown for a period of time so that its fertility can be restored.  The Israelites were to do this with their fields every seven years.  Of course, they were also to keep a Sabbath day of rest every seventh day.  What about my life?  Am I so bent towards productivity that I see no value in rest?

Am I even able to rest?

I feel pulled in many different directions and have a lot of different goals and desires.  It’s hard to turn that off for just a few hours or even a day.  Sometimes I can’t sleep because I have all these thoughts and ideas running through my brain.  And when I’m not trying to sleep, I feel an inner pressure to produce and accomplish.  Why is that?

Maybe it’s related to control.  If I rest; if I take time off from something then I no longer have as much control.

But I want that control.  I want to know that people depend on me and need me.  I like feeling indispensable in some ways.  And there’s the problem.  There’s the lie.

I am not indispensable.

So how do I go about implementing this concept?  Is it possible for a mom of three to even get some time alone?  I used to try to wake up at 5am and spend time with the Lord.  Now when I wake up at 5am I go run and the alone time is really hard to come by.

I think it’s definitely time to incorporate some disciplined time of rest.

I came across this from Tim Keller the other day —-

“Anyone who cannot rest from work is a slave—to a need for success, to a materialistic culture, to exploitative employers, to parental expectations, or to all of the above. These slave masters will abuse you if you are not disciplined in the practice of Sabbath rest.

Sabbath is a declaration of freedom.”  Tim Keller

Prayer is a change agent if I will let it. As I’ve been praying for certain people lately who are going through some excruciating circumstances, I’ve been surprised to see some things in my own heart.

But maybe I’ve always known they were there, but never looked at them squarely in the eye.  Do you do this — pretend things are fine with God and with your heart?

It’s the same lie we tell others though.  You know the one when you cross paths with another person and they ask, “How are you?”  You reply, “Fine.”

You can’t do that with God.  Not with the One before whom we are so exposed.  “And no creature is hidden from His sight, but we are all naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”  Hebrews 4:13

When I was sick a couple months ago I was desperate for someone to tell me what I had.  I needed a name for this malady, this illness my body was fighting.  The moment the ER doctor told me I had C.Diff I was so relieved.  There’s a name for this thing!!!

Why was I so happy?  C.Diff is a terrible thing and left untreated it can be fatal.  I was happy because now the doctors could treat me with certainty.  There is a drug that will kill off this bacteria.  We were no longer shooting in the dark trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

What if we were really honest about our hearts?  What if we were brave and looked at our soul entangling sins right in the eye and named them?  Would this be so bad?  No!  Not at all!  For there is a ready cure for this malady, this perversity called sin which so blinds us and deceives us.

“And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins.  But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God…for by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.”  Hebrews 10:11-12, 14

The act of prayer, this conversation with the Holy, draws out fears, sins and unbelief.  I don’t like to look at it, but I must.  For it is an act of grace that He opens my eyes to these things.  He wants me to be free of them.  It may take a while to deal with them.  Perhaps a lifetime for some of the deeply entrenched ones.  But it’s okay.  He has paid the price to accomplish this task of sanctification (see Romans 8:28-39) and I don’t have to pretend.