Blog

“Abide in me, and I in you…” John 15:4

The concept of abiding has always seemed hazy to me. I, like many others, like things to be laid out in steps. That way I’ll know if I’m progressing, if I’m moving toward the goal. But abiding is about a relationship and relationships aren’t like building Ikea furniture. Step by step directions and checklists won’t suffice because relationships are organic things. But still, how does one exactly do this thing called abiding? Is there a way to see if we’re swinging wide of the mark?

Sometimes when we don’t understand a word, we can gain insight by looking at its opposite. To abide means to remain in a place, so the opposite would be to depart that place. Jesus specifically commands his disciples to abide in him, so to not abide would mean to depart from Jesus. If we then think more deeply about the metaphor of the vine and the branch, we realize that to abide in Christ is to remain attached to our life source. To not abide in Christ would mean we’re seeking nourishment elsewhere. And when he elaborates in verse 7 by saying this: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will done for you,” we understand that a major part of our nourishment comes from immersing ourselves in the Word. So if we neglect the Word of God, there’s a good chance we’re not abiding. That’s a good start but I wanted more understanding.

The other day I was hiking on a local trail, meditating on this some more. I began to wonder whether there were any examples in the Bible of a person who didn’t abide. My mind went to Luke 15 and the parable of the prodigal son.

Most of us know this story and could retell it without much help. It’s a beautifully redemptive story of a young son who rejects his father and squanders his inheritance on immoral pursuits. Only when he’s left destitute, feeding pigs, does he come to his senses and return home. To his surprise and astonishment, his father has been looking out over the horizon for him this whole time and receives him back with lavish amounts of grace.

We rightly love that story, but what about the older son? Here is where I think we get a picture of what it might look like to not abide. See if you agree with me.

First, read these words again from Luke 15:

“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”

Remember that this is the climax of three separate parables in Luke 15. And why did Jesus tell these parables? We’re told the reason in Luke 15:2. The Pharisees were grumbling at the fact that Jesus was associating with tax collectors and sinners, the lowest of the low. Jesus responds by telling them three stories with the same redemptive theme – the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son. It’s only at the end of the last parable, the last of these stories about something or someone being saved, that Jesus adds another character, and draws a comparison between this older son and the Pharisees. So what do we see and how might it paint a picture of not abiding?

The father has just made a fool of himself rejoicing over his lost son and proceeds to throw him an extravagant banquet. But where is the older son? Doesn’t he know the good news? No. He is in the fields. He’s in the wrong place. Shouldn’t he have been with his father, concerned over his younger brother, waiting and hoping for his return? His heart is in the wrong place too. He doesn’t share his father’s affections. Only someone who has hardened their heart would react in anger to the news of the return of their lost brother who was considered as good as dead.

We see more evidence of this hardness when the father comes out to his older son to entreat him to come to the banquet. Notice the merciful beseeching of the father! But it’s to no avail. His response to his father’s entreaties reveals a self-righteous heart and a grave misunderstanding of what a relationship with the father is all about. He thinks his works are deserving of merit, that his relationship with the father is a quid pro quo – he’s done a good job all this time, so why didn’t he earn a banquet? But his father shows him his error. His relationship to his father was always secure and everything the father has already belonged to him. It had always been about grace!

By finishing the story like this, Jesus reveals the true heart of the Pharisees and I believe gives us a picture of someone who had failed to abide. If the Pharisees had been abiding in God and had truly understood his Word, then they would have had the same affection for sinners as Jesus. But they were like the older son, unable to rejoice in the free offer of salvation to the most undeserving.

If the Pharisees had been abiding, they would have realized that their source of life and righteousness came from God, not their works. But like the older son, they thought their works made them deserving of the blessings and salvation of God, when all along, it was only ever about grace.

If the older brother is a good example of not abiding, we see that someone can look like they’re doing the right things, when all along there is no relationship. For the branch to continue in the vine and bear fruit, it must get its nourishment from the vine. It’s silly to think that a branch can produce fruit apart from drawing life from its source. But we do this all the time when we seek to find life in other things but Christ.

I think I have a much better understanding now of what it means to abide. Do you?

“So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

My body has been through the proverbial wringer for almost a year now. It started in earnest back in November when I had a lumpectomy to remove what we thought were only two tumors. It turned out there were five plus cancer in the lymph nodes. What I and my doctors thought would be pretty straightforward got a lot more complex. Since then I’ve been through four months of chemotherapy and then two weeks ago a double mastectomy. In about five weeks I’ll start a course of radiation. Sometime next year I’ll have reconstructive surgery.

I never thought I was a vain person until I got breast cancer. And while I am doing very well and it looks like I will soon be cancer free, the body I’d always lived in as a woman has changed significantly. I’ve been a long distance runner for almost fifteen years and that exercise has kept me fit and able to eat pretty much anything I’ve wanted. But in 2022 there’s been very little exercise, no meeting up with friends before dawn to do an easy 6 miles, no ability to strength train, no marathon training plans. Chemotherapy made my hair fall out and not just on my head. As I looked in the mirror each day I was confronted with a face without eyebrows and eyelashes. It also threw me into early menopause and as a result the pounds started creeping up as I was weighed weekly before infusions.

As my body changed I finally realized how much I was examining and judging what I saw in the mirror, how often I weighed myself, and how I used those things to measure my own worth. Even during my battle with cancer, I couldn’t stop being hard on the person staring back at me. I had been blind to it for so long because it was easy to stay at a weight that was acceptable in my eyes. To look at me, you probably wouldn’t notice, but that doesn’t mean this sin of vanity didn’t grip as tight, asking me to serve the image I gazed at in the mirror or the number I saw on the scale.

God has helped me grow ever so slowly in contentment as I’ve waged this battle against vanity and the pride that goes along with it, but the thought of the double mastectomy tempted me to fear. It seems silly, but I wasn’t really fearing the surgery or the pain or even the cancer! I was more anxious and fearful about what my body would look like when it was over. How would I react when I looked down?

Before I was wheeled into the operating room, one of the pastors at our church and a dear friend came to pray with me and my husband. As he prayed I was struck by two words that he used: glance and gaze. He was praying for me to have an eternal perspective. But God used those words like a scalpel to my soul. Those two words – glance and gaze – have become a new tool in this fight against vanity and taking pride in how I look.

Glance at your body, but gaze into the face of Christ. Glance at your incisions as they heal but gaze at the scars in his hands and his side which brought an even greater and deeper healing. If we gaze intently at our bodies but only glance at Christ, we will be distracted by our many flaws and be left with disappointment. But if we gaze at Christ while only glancing at our bodies, we will be transfixed by his perfect love and never be put to shame.

As women we are so tempted to gaze intently at our bodies as they age, and some strive against time to make themselves look younger. But it’s a fruitless task, a losing battle. But gazing at the Lord and looking intently at his glory is no fruitless task. When we look wonderingly at his perfections we do change, just not in a way that can be seen in the mirror or measured on a scale. The mirror and scale only reflect and measure the shell that is our physical body, the part of us that will soon return to dust. But the very real part of us, the part that is eternal, is on the inside. The Bible calls it the inner man. And as we spend more time fixing our eyes on Christ, and on the things that are eternal, this inner man is renewed and gets stronger even as the outer shell that is our body wastes away.

“Know that the Lord, he is God. It is he who made us and we are his. We are his people and the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3

Many today speak the language of expressive individualism, though they don’t realize it. Phrases like ‘you do you’ and ‘follow your heart’ come from a philosophy that says the most important thing for you to do as a human being is to find your deepest self and then express that fully to the world. Many feel this is the epitome of freedom. But I beg to differ.

I believe real freedom is found in knowing who we are and whose we are. In Genesis 1, God creates the world and everything in it. The pinnacle of his creation is man. Men and women are unique in all creation because we are created in the image of God.

“So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female.” Genesis 1:27

Only mankind was created in this way. Only men and women were created to have a personal relationship with their Creator. Only men and women were given the divine mandate to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the earth. Trees are not made in God’s image and neither is your golden retriever. Only mankind was given this privilege. But the further we move away from God, the more we forget where we’ve come from and what our purpose is. No wonder many in our culture feel pressured to define themselves and find their own unique purpose.

But they’re looking in the wrong place.

Most look within themselves to find meaning and purpose, but if we are creatures, then we have a Creator, and it would make sense to look to him for the meaning and purpose we long for.

The Lord is God

Psalm 100:3 urges us to know something. To know that the Lord is God. Do we really need a reminder of this? Yes! If we see in our hearts and lives a consistent tendency to look inside ourselves or out in the world for meaning and purpose, then we have forgotten that the Lord is God. If you look closely in your Bible, the word Lord is in all caps – LORD. Only the Hebrew word Yahweh is written this way. Yahweh is the exclusive covenant name of the only true and self-existent God, the God who revealed himself to Moses as I AM. We are to grasp the truth of this with our whole being. The LORD is God. Only him. Not us and not anyone or anything else.

So how does that knowledge help us as we seek meaning and purpose? It gives us the starting point and it simplifies the issues. If the LORD is God then he alone sets the terms. If the LORD is God, then we should be paying attention to him. I encourage you to take some time to meditate on this truth – the LORD is God.

He Made Us

The next thing we learn from Psalm 100:3 is where we come from. He made us. We are not self-generated. Genesis 2:7 describes how God made Adam: “then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.” Psalm 139 puts it beautifully saying, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” What is so special about these passages is how intimate the Lord is in his creation of human beings. He intentionally breathes life into us and deftly knits us together.

Those who create do so with forethought and purpose. They take care to design their creation to function perfectly and properly. Instead of aimlessly looking around or within yourself for purpose, look to your Creator and his Word. A tree and a golden retriever live most fully and freely when they live according to how they’ve been created. The same is true for us.

We are His

My daughter is an artist, and when she creates a piece of artwork, she signs it. Her signature on a painting means something. It means she’s the author and the owner. In the same way God, as our Creator, stamps us with his image, and declares his ownership. Psalm 100:3 says that we are his. We belong to him. Even those who’ve turned away from God, denying his existence, belong to him because at the end of the ages they will have to stand before him and give an account. But those who know God and are known by him not only have meaning and purpose, but they have joy and freedom knowing to whom they belong. And he is a good God. The one who created us takes care of us. Verse 3 says we are the sheep of his pasture. It’s not hard to go from there right to John 10 and Jesus’ words about being the Good Shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep.

Unlike the spirit of this age which says the only way to find freedom is to look within, I say look up. Look up to your Creator. Know him, wonder in the knowledge that he created you and if you place your faith in his Son, you belong to him. Knowing that we are his brings real meaning, real purpose, and true freedom.

“But that is not the way you learned Christ! – assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:20-24

This isn’t the only passage that speaks of our part in the sanctification process as a putting off and putting on. Colossians 3:9-14 says that those who are in Christ have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is slowly being renewed to be like our Creator. And Romans 13:14 parallels those passages by urging us to put on the Lord Jesus Christ.

But why does Paul use language that remind us of clothing, words that make us think of putting off or putting on an outfit? I think it’s a helpful word picture considering our in between state as we live in this world and wait for the next. While we are in this flesh, there will always be tattered vestiges of our old selves, sins and habits that continue to cling to us. Rich Mullins sang, “It’s hard to be like Jesus,” and these exhortations from the New Testament underscore that fact. While we live here, on this earth, we are not what we once were, but we’re also not what we will be. God is slowly renewing us by the power of the Spirit, but we also cooperate in this process by actively putting off what belonged to our old man and putting on what belongs to the new. If you’ve been full of malice or anger or envy, put it off like you would a foul smelling shirt, and instead put on kindness, forbearance and love.

But this isn’t the only place in the Bible where we read about clothing. Way back in the garden, after the fateful deed, Adam and Eve sought in vain to clothe themselves. They thought fig leaves could cover up their sin. But God knew; he could see through that inferior attire. God also provided a better covering by making them garments of skins. He shed the blood of animals to provide for them better clothing, pointing forward to an even better covering – the blood of Christ.

Sometimes I can get discouraged as I seek to practice this putting off and putting on. Some of the habits of my old man just won’t stay off. Instead, they continue to cling awkwardly like that fabric softener sheet I’ve forgotten about. But it helps to remind myself that the old man and his clothing doesn’t define me, like a team jersey. It will soon fall off for good and someday I will be fully and gloriously clothed. Looking forward to that day, Isaiah described our future outfit:

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
    my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
    he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” Isaiah 61:10

Let’s persevere by the Holy Spirit’s power to keep putting off the old and putting on the new. For soon and very soon, we will be clothed forevermore with the bright and shining garments of salvation.

I’ve been struggling in prayer lately. I’ve needed sleep and I haven’t been getting nearly as much as I would like. Chemotherapy forced me into early menopause and the resultant side effects, especially hot flashes, have conspired to rob me of the rest I so desperately want. I have prayed often for God to give me that gift of an unbroken eight hours’ sleep, only to feel somewhat betrayed as I lay in bed for hours waiting to fall asleep or wake up multiple times in the middle of the night with another hot flash. Others have prayed for me, and I’ve tried multiple sleep supplements, but it hasn’t gotten much better. As a result, I’ve been reluctant to ask for this request anymore. It seems that the answer right now is no.

So what do you do when your prayers seem to go unanswered? Prayers for good things. Not just for sleep during cancer treatment, but for things that are more important, like the salvation of loved ones and friends? How many of us have prayed for decades for people to be saved and seen little evidence of God working?

If I’m really honest, unanswered prayer makes me impatient, like someone who’s tempted to kick the vending machine when they don’t get what they paid for. Questions and doubts about God’s character and his intentions can pile up in the deep recesses of my spirit and make it really hard to bring these requests to the Lord, again and again and again. Why is prayer so hard sometimes?

Life is hard. This truth seems obvious when we look around and within, but I think we all want to deny it. We’re all tempted to create a safe space for ourselves in this world, a little temporary utopia where everything matches up completely with our desires, but when that gets shattered by lost jobs, broken cars and cancer, we’re jolted. We wake up every day expecting normalcy, not realizing that normal doesn’t exist in this world that’s been polluted by sin.

In this broken world, peace and sunshine are the exceptions, not the rule. We should take Jesus at his word – “In this world you will have trouble…” John 16:33 Trouble is the default and trouble affects all aspects of our lives – physically, relationally, and spiritually. Just because I’m a Christian doesn’t mean I’m immune to the trouble, both in my sleep and in my prayer life.

We have faulty understanding. Proverbs 3:5 would not warn us against leaning on our own understanding unless that was what we were so prone to do. We are so prone to operate out of what we think is right, what we think God should do. We need a constant reminder that our understanding is defective, narrow, and inaccurate. By contrast, Isaiah 40 teaches us that no one has known the mind of the Lord and his understanding is unsearchable. So when our prayers go unanswered, at least according to our understanding, we need to press pause and remember our limitations. We don’t know everything God knows and even if we’re certain that what we’re asking for is good for us in that moment (like sleep), we don’t understand how God may be working through these hard things now for a greater good later on. And not just for ourselves. Joseph, after being sold as a slave and spending years in prison, was able to tell his brothers at the end of Genesis that the evil they did to him, God used for good. But he only saw that after many years.

We don’t rely on the Spirit. One big lesson I’m learning about prayer right now is to rely on the Spirit, to pray in the Spirit. What does that mean? Charles Spurgeon said it means to pray with the Spirit’s power, guided by his desires. It’s to pray with fervency, perseverance, sincerity, love and faith. But most of all, to pray in the Spirit is to pray in humble dependence. A lot of people have prayer journals or lists of people to pray for. I also use something like that. But if we’re not careful those lists can just become another box to check and if we get through the list we feel good about ourselves. What if, before we even started praying, we acknowledged our weakness and inability to know how to pray properly? What if we asked humbly for the Spirit’s help in praying, for his power and wisdom as we bring that unsaved loved one before him again? What if, as I ask yet again for sleep, I also asked for the Spirit’s help to persevere and trust that God is still good, that he loves me as his beloved child, that he is not at all like a vending machine, and is still very much with me supplying everything I need even if I again wake multiple times in the night?

A couple weeks ago I was reflecting on Romans 8 and what impacted me was the reality that this world is groaning under the weight of sin, waiting to obtain freedom. And we groan along with it as we wait for our redemption to be complete. Groaning is normal. And it affects our prayer lives. But what’s amazing is what comes after that passage. In the groaning we have help. We have someone who groans along with us!

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

Prayer is hard, but we have help. We have a perfect high priest, the Lord Jesus, who ever lives to intercede for us, and we have a wonderful counselor and helper, the Holy Spirit, who mercifully groans along with us when we don’t know how to pray. And we can be confident that with this kind of help, all things will work together for our good. Indeed, after Jesus told his disciples about the troubles they would have in this world, he reassured them by saying, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I’ve finally been able to go back to church after months of chemotherapy treatments kept me at home. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I went back a few weeks ago. Our church has done an amazing job since the pandemic of streaming the worship services online, and while I was definitely blessed to have that, there is a lot more to being in the body of Christ than watching a worship service every Sunday. Some of the most important things cannot be replicated through a screen. The two I’m thinking of are fellowship and the Lord’s Supper.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

The body of Christ is meant to be a ‘one another’ kind of gathering where we are called to love one another, encourage one another, forbear with one another, and forgive each other. You can’t do that through a screen. What was interesting to me during my time away from church was how awkward I felt going back. I had been living in an isolated way only for a short time, but that isolation had an effect on me. I was away from the body so I had lacked that ‘one another’ nourishment the body gives to all its members. A Christian isolated from the body of Christ starts to atrophy just like any body part that has its blood supply, its life, cut off.

I know that many have been praying for me throughout my cancer journey. I read the comments on Caring Bridge and have kept all the sweet cards I’ve received in the mail. But what has been far more impactful and life giving has been to see these prayer warriors in person and grasp their hands as they tell me again and again of their consistent prayers on my behalf. This past Sunday I just happened to sit in the same pew as a long time friend, a widow who used to babysit my children 20 years ago, a dear one who I know has been praying constantly for me. Getting a hug from her was like getting an instant infusion of encouragement and strength. I didn’t want to let go! The body of Christ, my local body of believers, is breathing life back into me by their words and handshakes and hugs.

The body of Christ also has rituals that help it remember together and reflect. Our church celebrated the Lord’s Supper a few times while I was confined to my home, and while they encouraged us to use crackers and juice in order to participate, I never felt properly prepared, and taking it on my own would have felt a bit empty segregated from the rest of the body. It was such a joy then to be able to take the Lord’s Supper this past Sunday, with my spiritual family, and be handed the elements by my friend who gave me that hug. Sitting with the whole body of Christ, singing with one another and then remembering together the sacrifice of our Lord was truly special and something I’m so happy to be experiencing again.

We truly are one body, and cannot function on our own. When you’ve been forced to be physically away from the body for a long period of time, coming back together is especially sweet. I pray I never take it for granted.

The Psalms act as the perfect counselor. In Psalm 31 we get a picture of the real life of faith as opposed to a version that says faith will make your way in this life smooth and care free. David honestly expresses a wide range of human emotion and points us to the Rock of our salvation.

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame (v.1)

Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me! (v. 2)

For you are my rock and my fortress… (v. 3)

Sometimes David pleads for God to be for him what he already is. He makes God his refuge in verse 1, pleads for God to be his refuge in verse 2 and then declares confidently in verse 3 that God is his refuge. Do you find that strange? I find it comforting because in the midst of the the trials of this life, I can be tossed to and fro by various waves. What I thought was true one minute becomes obscured the next. The truth about God that was once bright before my face has become clouded. I need the Lord to be for me in my specific circumstances what he has promised to be. Yes, Lord, drive the dark of doubt away.

You take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit…(v.4-5)

Notice the change of location in these next two verses. David felt trapped in a net his enemies had laid. Most likely this was not a literal net, but for David, the feeling of confinement was real. From that net, God rescues him and in response, David commits his spirit into God’s hand. From the dangerous net into the faithful hand of God. Though God doesn’t have physical hands, the imagery is one of intimate care and security.

Throughout the rest of the psalm, David swings back and forth between pleading and praising, lamenting his situation and yet breaking out in praise.

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! (v. 14-15)

Notice again the contrast of place, this time between God’s hand and the hands of his enemies. Sometimes we just need to take ourselves in hand and declare our allegiance to the God who has designed each of our days. I love how bold he is in his requests:

Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your steadfast love! (v. 16)

David echoes the blessing from Numbers 6 here in asking for God’s favor, and then implores him to bring his righteous judgment on the wicked. And then suddenly, in verse 19, confident praise explodes out of his mouth:

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! (v. 19)

Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city. (v. 21)

Looking more closely at v. 19, do you see a foreshadowing of Romans 8:28? God stores up abundant goodness and works it for his people! Let your mind dwell on that for a while and I’m sure it will put wind in the sails of your faith. There are many times when our tossing to and fro in agonizing prayer results in this outburst of confidence as God mercifully shines his gracious light into our hearts. But there are other times when we continue to struggle and look for deliverance. That’s why I love how the psalm ends.

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord! (v. 24)

The realism of this psalm is comforting. Sometimes light pours through but sometimes we wait until the clouds and the storms roll by. This is what we need in the times when we’re confused, wandering around questioning whether God hears us, whether God cares. In those times, we need to remember the testimony of the psalmists who have experienced the same distress. And of our Lord Jesus, who undoubtedly prayed this Psalm and who the author of Hebrews says mercifully sympathizes with our weaknesses. He is with us in our distress and confusion. He himself experienced the same. And so we can take courage and wait even when the light hasn’t come yet.

I have recently started another attempt at John Bunyan’s most famous work, The Pilgrim’s Progress. I read the children’s version to my kids years ago but have always struggled for some reason to get through the original. As of today I am about halfway through and am enjoying it. This post will hopefully act as accountability.

John Bunyan lived from 1628-1688 and endured much sorrow and suffering in his life. He was born to a poor family and lost his mother and sister at the age of 15. His first wife died after having borne four children, the oldest of whom was blind. He married again but was soon faced with another period of suffering. The English government went through another upheaval and the religious freedom that the Puritans had enjoyed was suddenly revoked. Bunyan and others were forced into a crisis of conscience and Bunyan chose to be imprisoned for twelve years, away from his wife and children, rather than stop preaching. He said this about his decision:

“If nothing will do unless I make of my conscience a continual butchery and slaughter-shop, unless, putting out my own eyes, I commit me to the blind to lead me, as I doubt not is desired by some, I have determined, the Almighty God being my help and shield, yet to suffer, if frail life might continue so long, even till the moss shall grow on mine eye-brows, rather than thus to violate my faith and principles.”

If you’d like to know more about his life, I highly recommend this message that John Piper gave over 20 years ago.

Bunyan began writing The Pilgrim’s Progress while in prison and it has become one of the most famous works ever published. It is an allegory written in two parts, first about The Pilgrim’s (Christian) journey toward heaven and then his wife and children’s. Fair warning: it is written in the Old English style and takes a little while to get used to, but I recommend sticking it out. There are several modern translations out there but in my opinion, you lose some of the charm by choosing to go that route.

One of my favorite passages in the allegory so far finds Christian trapped in a place called Doubting-Castle. When I read it the truths contained there made me smile thinking about my own struggles lately to remember the promises of God.

Now a little before it was day, good Christian, as one half amazed, brake out in this passionate speech, What a fool, quoth he, am I, thus to lie in a stinking Dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty? I have a Key in my bosom, called Promise, that will, (I am persuaded) open any Lock in Doubting-Castle. Then said Hopeful, That’s good news; good Brother pluck it out of they bosom, and try: Then Christian pulled it out of his bosom, and began to try at the Dungeon door, whose bolt (as he turned the Key) gave back, and the door flew open with ease, and Christian and Hopeful both came out.

Do you ever secretly scoff at Israel’s failures in the wilderness, thoroughly convinced that you would’ve done so much better? They were firsthand witnesses to so many instances of God’s saving power and miraculous and faithful provision. “Come on now!” we may think. “What is their problem?” How could they so easily drift from obedience into ungrateful rebellion?

In Numbers 13, twelve spies are chosen to go take a peek at the promised land and bring back a report. Why did God send these men? He had already told the people that the land was good, flowing with milk and honey. Was he testing them to see what was in their hearts? He undoubtedly already knew what was in their hearts based on how much the people had already complained and grumbled along the way. Whatever God’s reason was, these men, chiefs of the people, went and took a good look at the land. They spent forty days there and came back with some of the bountiful produce. What would they say to the people when they returned? Would they focus on God’s promise or on what they saw?

Faith believes in spite of what we see. And it’s clear that ten of the twelve spies did not have faith. They confirmed what God had said about the land. Indeed it was bountiful. But they immediately focused on the might of the enemies within the land, and the people’s inability to overcome them.

But how different are we? How different am I? I have all of God’s promises spread abundantly throughout the Word but what do I focus on? I focus instead on the enemies and difficulties before my eyes. I easily allow doubt to creep back in right after I’ve lifted my head from meditating on God’s promises of grace and provision. How does this doubt manifest itself? In the way I talk about the things I’ve prayed about. In the report I give to my friends. I may say I believe God is sovereign over my family or finances, but when I speak about those things with friends, do I instead complain about how I wish things were different? Do I speak confidently of God’s provision or do I communicate worry and panic? If I truly believed in those promises of God’s faithfulness and provision, my speech should reflect that more, shouldn’t it? I shouldn’t be giving a bad report about the way God has arranged the circumstances of my life.

We all want to be the hero of the story, but what if we’re more like the villain? What if we’re more like the ten bad spies than the two good ones? We may be tempted to scoff at how quickly Israel drifts from the Lord in spite of everything they’d seen, but I think it’s meant as a warning to us about the desperate slipperiness of our sinful hearts. Reading through Numbers this time has revealed to me how quickly the human heart abandons God no matter how much of his power he has displayed, and how much my own heart, apart from Christ, is just the same.

Whoever you are and wherever you are in your journey of studying the Bible, you can go one step deeper.

No one begins as an expert. Did you know that? In our YouTube influenced culture which purports to teach you anything in 15 minutes or less, we’ve come to believe that it doesn’t take much time to become good at something. Just read this Internet article or watch this video and we think we’ve gained university level understanding. But that is far from the truth.

I spent years practicing the clarinet, from age 9 until I finally stopped pursuing a career as a professional musician about 6 years ago. That’s 30+ years of practicing. Lately I’ve been practicing the piano, trying to improve my meager skills. But I find that I’m very impatient. Because I was accomplished on one instrument, I thought the process of learning another one would be quicker. In some ways it is, but in many ways it isn’t. Progression still depends on daily practice, diligently building one skill on top of the other.

Some of us can get discouraged in Bible study if we’ve sat under or been influenced by various pastors and teachers. As we hear their insights and how they link one passage of the Bible with another, we may think we’ll never attain to that level of knowledge and understanding. We might even think it’s not worth trying to learn to study on our own. We won’t ever get anything out of it.

But there is fruit and there is joy no matter where you are in your level of understanding. I remember learning about cross references for the first time and was thrilled when I started seeing little connections between Bible passages and how that testified to God’s faithfulness. Over the years I’ve slowly added more skills in studying the Bible and I’ve gained more knowledge of different doctrines. This additional skill and knowledge has only deepened my understanding and joy in the Lord, but it’s not like that joy I had before, when I first started, wasn’t just as real.

I love watching piano concertos on YouTube. It stuns me how fast a human being’s fingers can fly over the keyboard. I wish I could play some of those pieces. But I’ll never be an expert pianist. However, I do get great joy and satisfaction when I can finally put together a few simple lines I’ve been practicing without error. I may not be playing Rachmaninoff but I’m making music and it makes me happy.

So don’t be discouraged as you learn to study the Bible. Add one skill at a time and don’t get overwhelmed. And remember the goal. The goal is much greater than making beautiful music. The goal is knowing God.