Author: Meredith Beatty

“Hello darkness, my old friend…” Simon and Garfunkel

“You have taken from me friend and neighbor – darkness is my closest friend.” Psalm 88:18

Psalm 88 is one of the darkest psalms. It’s uncomfortable to read, but we must read it if we are to understand how prayer works. Prayer is a processing of emotion, a spiritual catharsis.

Heman the Ezrahite declares that the LORD is his God, the God of his salvation, but honesty compels him to also declare the intensity of his despair.

His soul is full of trouble, he has no strength, he feels near death.

He declares that God is behind his troubles. God has put him in the depths of the pit and his wrath lies heavy upon him.

But he keeps praying. He keeps crying out. He asks why??

Heman is completely alone by the end of the psalm and describes God’s doings toward him as a flood of dreadful assaults.

Most psalms that are in the lament category end on a positive note; as you read you see the change in the psalmist as he reminds himself of God’s character and his ways. Not this one.

But if we’re honest, that’s how a lot of honest prayer ends. There isn’t always a resolution. We can’t always tie a beautiful bow on the end.

Don’t be afraid to read these psalms. Yes, they are uncomfortable, and yes, they leave us with further questions about God and prayer. But we need them. They expand our prayer vocabulary and teach us that we’re not alone in experiencing times of darkness.

Psalm 44:6-8 says,

“For not in my bow do I trust, nor can my sword save me. But you have saved us from our foes and have put to shame those who hate us. In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to your name forever.”

I have these verses marked in my Bible and the initials C + S next to them. Years ago, when I was homeschooling these two children (C + S), God impressed these verses on me for them. C + S had a lot of difficulties and we spent a lot of time trying to sort them out. C would cry a lot in frustration. S sometimes lied about doing assignments. I took them to an educational specialist and learned about auditory processing and executive functioning.

It was hard.

I always want to be the best at whatever I do. That trait can be good if transformed into doing things with God-glorifying excellence, but the flip side of that trait (in me, at least) looks like a competitive drive soaked in pride. God has lovingly been breaking me of that through being a parent. I had no idea how C + S would do as they grew up. I was scared and anxious most of the time. I questioned myself all the time.

This psalm was written by men who knew war. They had gotten to the point where they realized they couldn’t trust in the weapons of war – their bow or spear or shield.

I got to the point, and am still coming to the point, where I realized I couldn’t trust in any parenting book, or educational method, or perfectly planned out schedule. I am still learning that it’s enough to boast in God, and in him alone.

C + S are 19 and almost 18 now. God has done amazing things in their lives, things I can’t take credit for, praise him! They both graduated high school with honors and both will be in college in the fall.

Surely, I will continue to boast in God and give thanks to his name forever.

Look up! I love the Songs of Ascents. I had to sleep in this morning to battle a potential cold so wasn’t able to do my regular Bible reading routine. I hate that. I like routine, but life happens and human beings are not machines.

But God proved gracious as I sat in the car waiting for my daughter to return her graduation gown and collect her diploma. As soon as I started reading these psalms aloud, the eyes of my heart were directed toward the Father and I was drawn into prayer.

The Lord is your keeper – Psalm 121

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! – Psalm 123

Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. – Psalm 124

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, from this time forth and forevermore. – Psalm 125

All of us are looking for heroes. Today is Memorial Day and today we honor those who gave their lives for our country. They are rightly called heroes.

David is the hero that everyone in Israel is looking for.

In today’s reading Saul’s star continues to plummet whereas David’s rises higher and higher. In the psalms, David pours his heart out to God and uses prayer to process his anger at all the injustice done against him. He truly desires to honor God.

It all culminates with Psalm 18 where we see the true hero – God himself. God is David’s rock and refuge, his fortress and deliverer, his shield and stronghold. Through the long years of running from Saul, David’s suffering has driven him into God’s presence again and again. And God has never failed him.

At the end of Ruth there is a short genealogy that ends with someone named David. I’ve learned from studying Genesis with Jen Wilkin that genealogies are important. But it takes until 1 Samuel 16 for us to be introduced to David. Most people who have a little familiarity with the Bible and classic Bible stories know who David is, but imagine if you were reading the Bible for the first time and encounter this person? He’s been hinted at in chapter 13 when Samuel tells Saul that God has rejected him for a man after his own heart. Who is this? Where will he come from?

As is God’s way, he chooses someone no one expects. It always reminds me of the Cinderella story. Samuel looks over the sons of Jesse expecting the Lord’s anointed to be among them. But God rejects them all. He finally asks Jesse if there is anyone else. Yes. The youngest. The one tending the sheep.

This is the one after God’s own heart. Throughout today’s reading David is portrayed as doing almost everything right. The Lord is with him and he has success after success. But soon enough he is running from Saul and hiding in the wilderness. The Psalms I read today represent this time in David’s life when he is crying out to God, his only refuge.

There were no huge insights for me today, but it was good to read the 1 Samuel passages along with the Psalms. Reading this fast is really making the story come alive.

This will be a short post. My youngest will officially graduate high school in about an hour.

In that light I would just like to say a word in honor of Hannah. It was probably obvious to her that things in Israel were not very righteous. She and her husband and his other wife went up to Shiloh every year to offer sacrifice. They had to know that the two sons of Eli were corrupt and immoral priests.

When Hannah received the answer to her prayer for a long desired child, she vowed to give him to the Lord. She followed through on her vow and after Samuel was weaned she brought him to Eli and left him there.

She left him there! Her young child, only a little older than a toddler.

The very next passage in chapter 2 goes on to describe in detail the failings of Eli’s sons.

How could she leave him there? Wasn’t she wracked with worry?

Maybe. She wouldn’t be human and she wouldn’t be a mother if she didn’t worry.

But the key words I noticed in the narrative make all the difference and show the kind of perspective Hannah had.

She lent him to the Lord.

She didn’t lend him to Eli. She didn’t lend him to Eli’s sons. She lent him to the Lord and to minister in his presence.

Hannah was confident that the child God gave her would be safe when she gave him back to him.

Like I said yesterday, Judges is a tough book. By the end it’s tempting to feel like the nation of Israel is beyond hope and nearing complete destruction.

But God always has a remnant. I highly recommend reading Judges and Ruth back to back because the impact of the righteousness seen in Ruth is that much greater compared with the depravity of Judges.

The most striking thing to me is the treatment of women in Judges compared to Ruth. At the end of Judges there is the tragic story of the Levite and his concubine. They travel to Gibeah, which belongs to the tribe of Benjamin. While staying in an old man’s home, some worthless men of the city come to the house and demand to have relations with the Levite. Instead,  the concubine is forced into the town square where she ends up being viciously raped and left for dead. In the morning, the Levite callously takes her dead body home and proceeds to dismember it! He then sends the pieces of the body throughout all the twelve tribes of Israel to exact revenge on the men of Gibeah. What happens next is nothing less than civil war in Israel.

What a contrast in Ruth. Boaz is the exact opposite of the Levite in the way he treats women, and not just Israelite women. He goes above and beyond in providing for Ruth, a Moabite. He protects her and the other women who work on his land.

Ruth and Naomi begin their story as two women without hope or protection. In the end, they find a refuge in their kinsman redeemer Boaz. And what seemed like a hopeless story for Israel begins to look better. God hasn’t forgotten his promises. Hope is coming.

Judges is a hard book. The descent down into apostasy starts off like the bunny slope at the ski resort but quickly transforms into a scary double black diamond.

It can be confusing at first because at the end of the book of Joshua, Joshua proclaims that all of God’s promises to Israel have been fulfilled. And they were! They successfully took the land that God had promised and settled in it. Each of the tribes received their inheritance.

But…

Even though they had received their inheritance in the land, not all of their enemies had been defeated yet. In fact, God leaves some of their enemies in the land for a purpose. He wants to know what’s in their heart. Is he ignorant of their true heart inclinations? Of course not! But love must be tested. Was their emphatic declaration of loyalty to God really sincere in Joshua 24?

And so the downward cycle of turning away from God begins in the next generation. They do not know the Lord. They do not remember what he has done. It strikes me that the reason for this isn’t a dramatic one. God had put in place the structures and laws that would’ve prevented it. The priests and Levites were in charge of the sacrificial system and for instructing the people. They were supposed to read the Law to all the people. The people were supposed to talk about the Law with their children on a regular basis according to Deuteronomy 6.

Consistency and faithfulness in what seems monotonous turns out to be crucially important.

God is still merciful, he still sends relief in the form of judges. But the longer you read in this book, the steeper that ski slope gets. Sin becomes more severe and the judges become less and less noble.

After this morning’s reading I opened my prayer app to start praying. The first prompt was this Scripture from Titus:

“But when the goodness and lovingkindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7

I’ve known this verse and prayed this verse for a long time, but it’s amazing how it took on greater depth and vitality after reading Judges.

Joshua was right. The Israelites could not serve the Lord in their own strength based on past successes. Neither can we! They (and we) needed God’s grace to appear in the form of the perfect Judge and Savior, the Lord Jesus. We needed to be regenerated – not just a second or third (or a millionth) chance – we needed a completely new heart. And praise him for that word ‘richly’! The judges in Israel only had a temporary anointing of the Holy Spirit. He has been poured out on us richly!

There is certainly nothing in us that deserves God’s mercy. And left to ourselves we quickly abandon him and end up utterly wrecked and ruined at the bottom of that black diamond ski slope.

There was so much that stood out in today’s reading, but focusing on Joshua, I continued to see an example of strength and faithfulness. Yesterday he panicked and God told him to get up. He did get up and he faithfully led the Israelites into the Promised Land and into their inheritance.

From the time of their entrance into the Promised Land to the end of Joshua’s life is a span of about 30 years. He witnesses so many victories and he sees the faithfulness of God’s people. But, I have to think that in the back of his mind he is always remembering his commissioning and how God predicted the future apostasy of Israel. (see Deut. 31)

That is why the end of the book of Joshua landed with greater force on me today. Joshua knows the Israelites will fall away, but he doesn’t resign himself to it. Like the strong leader he is, he calls Israel to renew their covenant with Yahweh. He recounts their history and how God took Abraham from a pagan country and made a nation for himself. Then he puts the choice before them:

“Now therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Joshua 24:14:15

The people respond saying, “Of course!! How could we not serve the LORD!” But Joshua obviously knows them too well. He says they are not able to serve the Lord. Perhaps Joshua thinks the people are drunk on their own success thinking that things will be easy now that they’re in the Promised Land. So again he gives them a warning to serve the Lord and put away foreign gods. But again the people assure Joshua that they will serve the Lord.

Joshua led Israel through a very high point in their history. But he knew the low points were coming. He knew that God was faithful to his promises, but that didn’t excuse the people from their responsibility to choose faithfulness to him. Every day, every month, every year, and every generation is another chance to choose faithfulness, to choose who we will serve.

Unfortunately, by the end of today’s reading, just one generation later, the people of Israel do not know the Lord or the work he had done for them.

I call it panic prayer. Something bad happens and I’m thrown for a loop. I cry out to the Lord as if it’s the end of the world. It’s not – but it feels like it. I don’t stop to consider the Lord’s character or his promises.

I think Joshua did that in chapter 7. He’s been told by Moses and God several times to be strong and courageous. Things start out very strong – Jericho has fallen. Then, just as quickly, Israel is defeated at Ai. I think Joshua goes into panic mode in verse 7:

And Joshua said, “Alas, O Lord GOD, why have you brought this people over the Jordan  at all, to give us into the hands of the Amorites, to destroy us? Would that we had been   content to dwell beyond the Jordan!  O Lord, what can I say, when Israel has turned   their backs before their enemies!  For the Canaanites and all the inhabitants of the land will hear of it and will surround us and cut off our name from the earth. And what will   you do for your great name?”

All of a sudden it seems like Joshua has plunged into hopelessness. Where is the strength and the courage? But I love how God responds. He doesn’t pat him on the head and say, “There, there.” He says, “Get up! Why have you fallen on your face?” Israel has sinned and Joshua needs to address the problem.

Get up! Sometimes I need to hear that. Stop panicking. God hasn’t gone anywhere. He is still there, still faithful to his promises.