Author: Meredith Beatty

Enough

I can’t count the number of times I have heard myself or a friend say something like this,

“I’m afraid I’m not doing enough.”
“I’m not a good enough mom, friend, sister, evangelist, etc.”

Part of loving God with all our minds is learning how to step back and examine the thoughts we have. There are hidden beliefs behind many of these thoughts. Are we believing a lie or the truth?

When we use this word, enough, or when the enemy accuses us with it, what are we really believing?

There are two lies I think we’re believing here.

First, we still believe that our identity is rooted in our performance. This means we don’t believe the gospel.

“What? Wait!” you say. “I am a Christian. Of course I believe the gospel.” But friends, the gospel isn’t just for the day we’re saved. It’s for every day. Every day we must turn away from our performance and look to Jesus. He is our life and our righteousness every. single. day. So when your flesh or the enemy accuses you that you’re not enough, agree. Then preach the gospel to yourself. Of course you’re not enough, but Christ was and is and will be on your behalf. Even Paul said he wasn’t enough.

“Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent…” 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Rest in the God who equips us for everything he has created us for.

The other lie we believe is rooted in fear. When we lament to our friends or to ourselves that we’re not enough, what we’re really believing is that everything depends on us. We believe that we’re in the driver’s seat with ultimate control.

But of course this is false.

“The Lord has established his throne in the heavens and his kingdom rules over all.” Psalm 103

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain…” Psalm 127

So let’s continually anchor our minds and hearts in the truth. God is enough. Christ is working in and through me for the Father’s good pleasure. And he is in control.

Left to ourselves, human beings are lazy. If this weren’t so, Proverbs wouldn’t be filled with admonishments to the sluggard. We love the easy way, the smooth path.

We also love to be recognized. We love attention. The mere existence of social media proves this point. How many Twitter followers do I have again?

The interesting thing is that to make progress and to be successful in most anything requires you to work diligently and in secret.

I was teaching some high school clarinet players today. Time and again, I found myself repeating the same advice: you must slow things down and practice it over and over. It’s tedious and time consuming but it’s the only way to get the results you want. Success is born from long hours closeted in the practice room.

Everyone wants the adulation that Yo-Yo Ma receives but no one wants to slave away on their scales.

I’ve seen the same principle at work in running. Even though I didn’t finish my last marathon, the training I did incorporated the same principles of working hard without recognition. No one saw me paying attention to the small things like form or stretching or strength training. I was the only one holding myself accountable to every workout through the 12 weeks of training. But now I am a more efficient and stronger runner.

Everyone wants the recognition that Michael Jordan receives but no one wants to practice free throw after free throw after free throw…….

If these things are true in music and sport, shouldn’t they be true in the spiritual realm? After all, He is the Creator and Designer of everything.

We all want to have this amazing relationship with God but many would rather not put in the work in secret. Reading your Bible every day. Setting aside time for prayer, every day. These are the fundamentals in the spiritual life just like scales in music or free throws in basketball. It requires diligence, but the results cannot come without it.

However, doing the little things day in and day out has an amazing compounding effect. Because I put in the hours playing scales in the practice room, I am able to play most things at sight. Because I have put in the time stretching and strength training, I am much less likely to be injured and am a faster and more efficient runner.

Just imagine what God might do in the life of a believer if she committed to do those little things every day. The Bible reading, one chapter at a time. The prayer, setting aside even 5 minutes every day.

As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, God sees what we do in secret and will reward us accordingly.

I started running in 2008 and eventually came to love it.

I love the way it makes me feel and how it’s given me a lot more confidence.

I love how it’s given me a great group of running friends whom I count as family.

I also love to watch the sport and follow all the American elites and their results. I read the magazines and memorize the marathon records.

Running has taught me about endurance and determination. I know I can always do more than I think I can because of running.

Running is a gift from God.
But running is not and cannot be an identity and God has been teaching me that as well.

As James says, every good a perfect gift comes from above. But if we seek to find our identity in the gifts he has given and not in him, our Creator, we will find that our lives have been built on sinking sand.

These gifts cannot bear the weight of our expectations. They are not designed for it.

I have always been a performance oriented person, finding joy and fulfillment in how well I accomplish something. If I have performed well musically I am in a good mood. If I messed up that solo, I would dwell on it for days and inevitably think less of myself.

That mindset came along when I started running. Doing races allows you to measure success. Using a GPS watch allows you to measure everything at all times. Did I PR? Did I hit my goal times in that workout?

I have always loved the training part of the marathon. Looking at a new 16 week training schedule always excites me. I love the challenge. The “teacher’s pet” in me loves to finish each day’s assigned workout and feels good about the accomplishment.

Unfortunately, my performances on race day have rarely measured up to what I’ve done in training. I’ve finished 6 marathons and only one has been what I’ve considered successful. Over time I have learned more about training and have struggled through injury and illness.

But finally I thought I had the puzzle solved. I figured out that I had an iron deficiency and over the past year I’ve been diligently working on it. I also worked hard to get in the best shape of my life and set a new 10K PR in July.

I was ready to tackle this next marathon and embarked on a new and more challenging training plan that would get me to a never before thought of goal – qualifying for Boston.

I had never run faster in my workouts. It was amazing and built my confidence week after week. I took care to sleep more and cross train and didn’t even get sick like I usually did in past marathon training cycles. My husband, who had run Boston only months prior, constantly told me how well he thought I was going to do.

Then one day as I was running I started praying about the race and noticed a hesitancy. I was afraid to pray about the race.

I would have told you that I believed unswervingly in the sovereignty and goodness of God. I had studied it. I loved talking about it and was currently teaching on it. But did I really believe it?

Faith is an interesting journey. God has a way of consistently prodding and poking you in those uncomfortable places. Those places of unbelief. Did I really believe, in my heart, that I could trust that God was good no matter the result of this marathon? I did not.

For the next week or so I wrestled with that and what it really meant. I still believed that running and the race results I got had the ability to satisfy me in the deepest places of my being.

I was expecting too much of the gift and it could not bear that weight.

The rest of the training cycle leading up to the race God graciously pruned away this unbelief and enlightened the eyes of my heart (Ephesians 1) to his inexhaustible goodness and grace.

God is sovereign. All things happen according to the counsel of his will. He is also good. If his children ask for bread he will not give them a stone.

Running is a gift and every breath comes from him. By the end of training I had really come to rejoice in that and was able to thank him for each workout.
And so yesterday I toed the line knowing that I couldn’t be more prepared, physically and spiritually. I was going to go for my goal and was excited to see what God would give me.

God gave me a DNF. I Did Not Finish.

I ran as hard as I could for as long as I could but by mile 20 my body was giving me the same familiar signals of iron deficiency. I was weak and could barely jog. I knew walking the rest of the way would be really tough and possibly detrimental to my health so I made the call to quit.

But I was OK with that. God had been preparing me for it. The day before the race he reminded me that my performance does not determine my identity. Christ has already performed on my behalf and made me righteous in God’s sight and his child forever. That inheritance will never fade away. It is kept safely in heaven for me. (1 Peter 1)
I will probably keep trying to solve this marathon puzzle. But I won’t let it define me anymore.

Running is a gift and as with all gifts, God uses them to purify us and teach us about himself if we let him.

I have come to certain convictions in my walk with the Lord. These have come about from a truly sincere desire to please Him.

No birth control, being a stay-at-home mother, homeschooling, even keeping under the speed limit.

Unfortunately, keeping my convictions tempted me to look down on others as if they should know better. Weren’t all Christians supposed to come to these same convictions?

Convictions led me to Pharasaical pride.

But can we have convictions without falling into this trap? What is the key?

It’s love. Gospel love.

I held my convictions so tightly that I couldn’t see the people God wanted me to love. He didn’t so much want me to change their minds, but welcome them as Christ welcomed me. Read Romans 14-15. Paul never says to give up your convictions or to try to argue someone into agreeing with your convictions. He says to bear with one another and accept one another.

Romans 15:2-3 says we must please our neighbor for his good because even Christ didn’t come to please Himself.

So hold your convictions but above all, remember love.

I’m often trapped by my own desires for people. When I look at them I see what is lacking instead of what is actually there.

Ouch.

This is not love. Jesus didn’t withold love until someone got their act together.

Love is about entering into the messy reality of people’s lives and staying there.

To me, prayer has mainly been about myself and my own relationship with God. Daily I lift up my own soul to the Father and seek to be refreshed by Him and His Word. Surely I prayed for others but a lot of times I’m embarrassed to say that was secondary to my own soul’s happiness in the Lord.

I’ve been rereading a book by D.A. Carson called A Call to Spiritual Reformation. It’s a study of Paul’s prayers. In one chapter he quotes from most of Paul’s prayers and asks the reader to take time in reading them. He even challenges his readers at the end of the chapter to read through the prayers once a day for a month.

What strikes me about these prayers is how others focused they are. I’m sure Paul prayed for himself and sought to enjoy personal communion with the Lord. And granted, these prayers are contained in letters to people so naturally the prayers would be directed towards them. But listen to the language he uses to describe how he prays:

I always thank God for you
I have not stopped giving thanks for you
Remembering you…I keep asking
I thank my God every time I remember you
We continually remember
How can we thank God enough for you
Night and day we pray most earnestly
We constantly pray for you

I was especially struck by his devotion and love for his fellow believers. They are his brothers and sisters, his beloved, his true companions, his fellow workers and fellow soldiers, even his joy and his crown.

Do I pray like this? I’m embarrassed to confess that I don’t. I don’t have this love and this zeal. My heart is callused by worldly comforts. My time is taken up by trivial pursuits.

I’m going to take Carson’s challenge and read through these prayers for a month. We’ll see what God does.

This phrase, “to the max”, reminds me of the language I used to use in the 80s. Other out of date phrases would’ve included “totally tubular”, “gag me with a spoon”, or ” gnarly dude”.

But this is not a post about 80s slang, thank you Lord! How did we ever survive that decade? I recently heard John MacArthur use this phrase to explain a verse in John 13.

“having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.” John 13:1b

MacArthur explains that the phrase, to the end, means to the max. Jesus loved his disciples to the utmost capacity of his being.

I love this because when you think about Jesus and his nature as God incarnate, you realize that His capacity to love is infinite. Colossians 2:9 says that the whole fullness of deity dwells in Jesus bodily. Hebrews 1 says that He is the exact imprint of God’s nature.

This is another great reason to study doctrine. If your understanding of the nature of Christ is limited then your understanding of what He accomplished on the Cross will be incomplete.

But when you understand that the full measure of deity dwells in Christ, then you begin to realize the limitless depths of His love and are amazed and filled with thanksgiving and praise because He loved His own to the max!

What do we expect from God? I would guess that our expectations and our faith are only as big as our understanding of who God is. That is why I love studying doctrine with other women. When they first start it is intimidating. They aren’t in seminary. Do they have the ability to dive deep into the things of God?

Yes!

I have seen many a lightbulb go off when a woman starts understanding the extent of God’s sovereignty or the truth of our justification and the freedom it brings. It changes their faith and their expectations.

In John 11, Jesus gives Martha a little theology lesson. Now this seems odd and maybe a little cold of Jesus since Martha’s brother had just died and Jesus didn’t come in time to heal him. But this is what Martha needs. She needs her expectations of Jesus blown up. Her faith was too small.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha said to him, ‘I know he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.’ “

Martha has a belief in a resurrection. That’s good. But Jesus goes further to show her that He is not just some healer for the present time. He is much much more:

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?’ “

Martha believed in a resurrection but Jesus wanted her to know that here, standing in front of her, was the resurrection! This knowledge would shatter her myopic expectations of what Jesus could and would do and of who He was. Here is her answer:

“She said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.’ “

What are your expectations of God? Are they limited? Can a deeper study of God’s character help you?

As I thought on these verses in John 11, God reminded me of Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3 which is an example of allowing our knowledge of doctrine inform our prayers. Paul prays for the Ephesians in such a sweeping manner for he knows that God can do far more than we can imagine:

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

I encourage you to study and go deeper in the things of God. You won’t regret it.

In The Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan prayers, I read this:

The thought of thine infinite serenity cheers me…

There is no hint of anxiety with God. All is peaceful, infinitely peaceful.

No wringing of the hands.

How should that cheer me?

He is not fearful as if there is something unknown or unaccounted for. All is subject to Him and under His authority.

An earthly dictator might have all under his control too but God is not some distant dictator.

He is my faithful Father and good shepherd. Fathers and shepherds are very near and are constantly protecting and watching.

This Father, this Shepherd, is perfectly peaceful, not troubled, but in complete control.

This cheers me.

I love a good devotional and through the years I’ve enjoyed many. Perhaps my favorite is Charles Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening. He is the king of spiritual metaphors that help you visualize what God says in His word in a way that pierces through to your soul.

But Charles Spurgeon was just a man. His words are not the Word. Only the Word of God is spoken of as a two edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12).

Does my diet consist only in snacking on a devotional written by a sinful man?

Do I look forward more to the thoughts of Sarah Young instead of letting God’s consolations in His Word cheer my soul? (Ps. 94:19)

Do I feast on His Word? Have I taken time to meditate on it, mull over it and memorize it?

Do I know the Word so well that I can read one section and then make connections to another section? At that point, it’s not me being clever or having a superior memory. That’s God’s Spirit speaking to me, reminding me of His truth as Jesus promised in John 16.

Snacks are great but they are not the feast. Let’s feast on His Word.

“They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights.” Psalm 36:8