I can imagine that in heaven I will be totally free in worshiping the Lord, but until then I still struggle with self-consciousness. In private I have no problem raising my hands, and even stretching up towards the heavens in worship. I’ve even been known to raise my hands in worship while listening to particular worship songs during a run. But in corporate worship I’m still not there. When I observe the congregation from the orchestra, I love to see people totally absorbed in worship no matter how that’s conveyed in their body language. There’s an older couple who sit near the front who just exude joy in praising the Lord and I have to admit it’s pretty cool to see people in their 70s raising their hands. So do I have a problem? Shouldn’t I be raising my hands? I don’t think so. I think my main problem is with being self-conscious. When you are self-conscious you are being prideful. You are worrying about how you look to other people and that is making your own reputation an idol. This entangling sin causes me to stumble by losing focus on the Who of worship. Why am I there anyway?
A couple weeks ago I was able to get free from some of these tangles. I was in a large group setting worshiping with others in the room and even more believers via video. It was great to feel like I could just worship in the way that was most comfortable for me physically and that allowed me to focus on Who deserved my praise.
I do long for the day when these thoughts of self will be carried far, far away from my existence in heaven. And I will be given a far greater and unimaginable capacity to worship Him who I will see face to face.